I am writing you the day before I leave this beautiful area to continue now on my 5 week travels across India. I will head to Rajastan, the land of desert warriors, with  men wearing turbans and women in bright beautiful saris…. I am planning a 2 day camel ride…and seeing lots of grand palaces!

I have spent my last 2 days in a comfortable guest house with hot running water (no more cold bucket baths in the cold am), a toilet to actually SIT on and flush, a big queen size bed to have to myself and move freely about, and a balcony with a view that rests over the Ganga …..all for $6 a night!! Yes, that is Indian prices (breakfast, lunch or dinner for about $5-8!!) I am happy and freely enjoying my village before I go. I am heading to the waterfalls to hike and then have tea with Anu in the afternoon, ending with the aartie /puja devotional at night….such a good life here! I understand why so many people come here and rest for many months and come back again and again. This area is such an easy and beautiful way to know and see India.

I said a tearful goodbye to the children Friday. They walked  and ran beside me as I left the gate, asking me with their loving eyes and sweet hearts:“when you come back”?…and making me  promise them I will come back…  “I will, I will”….”I promise” . I ldo ove it here and feel at home here….I will be back soon, that I know. The children, my friends, my loves, the Ganga river, this village and people have won my heart. I am full and did not imagine that a place could bring me such beauty, joy and love. I thank God everyday for bringing me here……. I will be back……

I say goodbye for now to Rishikesh, and to my friends and loves:

Carly, my English roommate who was my side-kick every day and night as we ‘weathered’ thru so many trials with the ‘bosses’ here, severe sickness and administering to the kids morning and night (“do you have the meds, who got vitamins, who did you give to….oh no I forgot ____!), endless days of giving, giving, giving; talking late at nights about the kids and what we can do help them or whatever ‘parents’ talk about at night when concerned about their kid…..and letting out our frustrations….We loved sipping chai tea, and sometimes with the big boys joining us, laughing about what some of the little ones did that day, and then crashing, exhausted, in bed by midnight, then to be up at 6:30am and start all over again……

Goodbye to all these children, 60 that I can name all, but each one has affected my heart and soul..I did not know that a ‘mothering heart’ could love so many and so deeply…There is Sunita, who is the girl I will sponsor to go to medical school in 5 months.  A 17 yr old gentle beauty from Nepal, who has lived at Ramana’a for 12 years and cannot give more thanks for what her ‘mother’ Praba has given her, who pulled her out of such poverty and has given her a home, a family, brothers and sisters to love, food, clean water, a comfortable warm bed and clothes, a good education, and now an opportunity to go the medical school (with help from donations and us!!)!!!   She cannot imagine leaving her home with so many that love her, and go be on her own, but she is excited for the possibility of helping others as a doctor. She is the one, along with Veer, her brother, who has layed in bed for 4 weeks with Typhoid fever. 4 weeks of nothing to do ….no TV, music, no other sisters to visit with or sleep with….just sickness, high fever, staring at the walls of their room and the hospital…both of them…and never once complaining or crying about it….always smiling, happy to talk and so gentle and grateful. They could only be visited by Praba and me….I spent many an hours with them sharing and massaging them. They made me the most beautiful homemade goodbye card, with sweet words and poetry…..

Raja, 14 years, but looks 8 yrs.,  because of some brain damage and epilepsy…who lay  in my arms last week as I was tutoring, frightening me as he experienced a grand mal in my arms. I was so stunned and shocked, frozen on what to do …as I helplessly sat there, I turned him sideways, massaging and rubbing him, gently talking with him and sticking my finger (ouch!) and then my hand in his mouth so he would not bite off or swallow his tongue.  It felt like 5-10  minutes of torture (but really maybe only 2-3) to watch a love ‘disappear’ into the pain of disease, (my first time), it was devastating and so horrifying.  I cried…he is so young….

There is  dear sweet, shy Sujan, 12 yrs, who had to be taken to the hospital with a bacteria that is ‘eating’ the tissue in his thigh…who has had major surgery and part of his thigh removed (he was so athletic, I hope this does not affect his sports!)….. and his sister, Kalpana, here at home, who cries at night because she wants to see him and worries about him alone in the hospital. She asks me every day to ask Praba if she can go see him (I have been become the ‘spokesman’  or  the go-between with mother Praba and the kids….She is a tough mom and they ‘use’ me to talk to her….  ) Sujan is in intensive care, I did not get to say goodbye, but Kalpana will get to see him very soon.  The hospital is a one and a half hour trip…we walk 20 min….to catch an autoshaw…and then an hour bus ride..…

I cannot  mention all my loves/children, but each one has such an tragedy to talk about, but all are also full of so much happiness, hope and love to share with me and the world…..When I told them I was leaving they ask bluntly, “WHY?”….and they always follow with…”when you come back?” They know I will….how could I not!? When I cried and thanked them for all they have given me, they looked at me and asked, “why do you cry?”

Godbye to Anu, 28,(and her sister Govita, a teacher also), my dear Indian girlfriend and a Kindergarten teacher at Ramana’s. I will miss our scooter rides to Rishikesh, an American and an Indian girl (2 single girls NOT accompanied bv a male) going to the market in town with everyone staring at the 2 beautiful women, free, laughing, talking and enjoying each other’s company! She wants to come live in America so she can live the life she wants as a free girl….but now hear from her, as I leave, that her parents will be arraigning her marriage soon…she really is getting to old and she feels she must before it gets too late for a good match! Hmmmmm…!

To all the headmaster and teachers at Ramana’s, who gave me such support and really appreciated how and what I was doing with music and with the children. They get it here!!……Music From and About the Heart…. It feels good to be amongst those that truly can experience this….and not let music be only about if you can ‘play well’ or be an ‘expert’ in music….They said they will pray that I come back soon….

I will miss the villagers, children and shopkeepers saying “namaste’ from their heart and eyes as they recognize me now and greet me each day….or the children shouting “Hello Katy” and running up to me to shake my hand or give me a hug, even those that  do not come to the school now know me and cannot wait to greet me! The moms say I am talked about in the homes and their kids mention: ”I saw Katy today….”. One mother said she went into her 6 yr old boy’s room and he was singing our songs and doing the dance I taught to show his family!!! So sweet….

I will miss not seeing dear Garba at Ramana’s, smiling, cooking in the café, loving the children with me, sneaking out for walks, tea or a hikes to the waterfalls. My best night  so far was when we took a ride up into the Himalayas to a local mountain village where I visited with his men friends, sipped chai tea and ate fabulous local Indian food…..then on our way down the mountain ,late that night, we stopped, climbed the hillside  and joined a nomadic tribe of men with their hundreds of sheep by their fire…..these men travel down from near Nepal to Rishikesh to feed their sheep and come where it is warmer for 6 months. They sleep in the cold mts. beside the fire under the sky, stars, moon and on the rocks.  They were peaceful and happy with their life. I could not believe my luck to be there, sitting  with these dear men (see the photos), under the stars, by their fire, staring at the moon and their faces,  and sipping  ‘homemade’ drink (alcohol they had brought from their village)  and fresh warm goats milk with them. I am blessed! We talked, that is Garba did because  he was fortunate enough to speak their dialect since he is from the same mountain area, and I sat back and observed. The elder of the village was there, so dear and sweet…he looked at me with such love as her spoke to me and Garba translated. My favorite was watching  him tell stories to the group…his expressions and passion was felt, even if I did not understand what he was saying at length. Later Garba shared with me his stories of travels and his village life….

Farewell to Praba, an amazing strong, older woman who has so much to hold up and keep running so these children can have hope, a good life and continue with a warm bed, food to eat 3 times a day, clothes to wear and a good education (even after they leave here).  We had many a ‘conflicts’ as volunteers with her (as it appears ,most do with her…many have left early her because of butting heads with Praba and Angie, the other woman in charge, both strong and ‘difficult’  woman  with big egos…BUT it is because of people like this, that projects like Ramana’s are able to survive in India.. so I leave with MUCH respect for them, even if I do not always connect in a good way with them!). Praba has asked me to come back, for a longer time next time, with all expenses paid (except airfare)!! Now that I am leaving, she say s‘ no one has come and given such valuable care, love, music and teaching to the children’  as I have…..she wants me to come back and be like “Head Mother” to care and love the children and provide more enriched music for the school. I am honored by her, of all people, to express this and ask me back.  I will be back. She wants me here by Aug. or Sept. of next year for a 6 month stay.  This time I hope to come with my daughters!! OK girls!!!??? Mom, dad …you too for a short visit!? I will find you a very comfortable guest house…with warm water, beds and toilets (no holes)…for only 300 Rps. ($7 a night is all is cost to stay here in a very nice place!)…wishful thinking….

I will miss not having afternoon tea with Sonu, my Indian friend and love, who owns the best music store in Ram Jhula (written up in Lonely Planet for his knowledge, his big smile, his friendly visits and warm heart). I often would join him in afternoons for chai tea and visits. We laughed so much and ‘people watched’  those that strolled by or came into his shop. I met and shared much with local shopkeepers, foreigners from Russia, UK, Australia, Israel, US, Europe, etc… This was the favorite part of my day. We joke that the way he most won my heart was with MEAT…hehehe!, yes, meat! When I was weak and not doing well, he would have his brother run 30-45 minutes  on a scooter to the nearest town, out of Rishikesh (where no meat or alcohol can be found since it is a holy city), to get me momus (with mutton) or tandoori chicken…and sometimes some good beer along with it. Yummy! Those were good and silly times when we would hide behind his counter eating meat and sipping beer, so that no locals or cops could catch us. I felt like I was back in high school hiding from parents!! I plan to meet Sonu again after I am in Rajastan for a week. He is there now inspecting antique Indian furniture, doors, rugs, etc that he sells to other countries by email (his other job)….he also lives 7 months in Israel as a chef… boy, does he get to enjoy a good life!)  We will head to Agra to see the Taj Mahal and then get on his motor cycle and head for a week to the ‘top’ of the Himalayas (with helmets on!!), exploring nature, trekking, seeing  ancient Hindu temples, staying with locals in the remote mountain villages that he knows. There will be very few, if any, foreigners there….just  me enjoying this experience!  There might be snow also…so cold, cold, cold with fresh water and air…and lots of peace and silence! How fortunate I am……

Other things and places I will miss:  goodbye to the the cows, ox and dogs  roaming the streets (watch out for their pile of poop!…I slipped in many a times!);  goodbye to hearing the early morning and night bells rung by the priests at the Hindu temples;  I will miss mediating, praying, hearing Hindu music  and singings chants at my early am ashram and with the kids in pm at Sat song….; goodbye to the flowing Ganga river-felt, heard and seen from everywhere in this holy town-surrounded by ‘her’ goddess, female energy that makes this place so blessed and the people so sweet,  gentle and loving; goodbye to walking across the bridges, Laxman and Ram, whipped by the piercing winds, staring at the ganga and huge majestic mountains as the bridge sways…I feel so ALIVE each time I  across the river- with nature and the mother ganga  energizing me! Many of us back home are missing this gentle, subtle, ‘female energy’ that the Indian woman and men have here…there are the beautiful girls and woman in their female dresses and flowing saris,  full of color and woman-ness’..they have taught me so much; goodbye to sudha’s who are everywhere here in their orange robes, begging and chanting quietly; goodbye to aartie, when the town and hundreds of people  gathers together at night for puja offerings to the Ganga near the Shiva shrine to listen to  musicians  and participate in Kirtan chanting. It is so amazing to gather with so many people for beautiful Hindu music and devotional singing, chanting…and it happens every night here!

Thank you for letting me share all this with you by email and again for your support. Once I am moving about, I am not sure how often I can write or am near email…I plan to be in US by Jan 15 and at my parents for awhile. I’ll see you in SB around Jan 25….back to work, teach , and seeing dear friends…I cannot wait to see my family and girls who I miss sooooo much!

Again, sending you many warm, gentle blessings!

Kathy

Once again I am just coming up for air. My first full day off since I began almost 2 months ago! Tonight, for you, it is Thanksgiving Night and I am missing good food and MEAT!  I want turkey!  I went yesterday on my break from some mashed potatoes and enchiladas for a treat…yum!, except the mash potatoes were mashed with water, very little milk and no butter!  Rishikesh is a holy Hindi town, so meat or alcohol cannot be found here.  But no problem, there are so many good things and places to eat here.  I get room and board at Ramana’s but having dal and rice every lunch and dinner every day, with an overcooked vegetable,  is getting too tiring for me.  So I sneak out for an hour  to eat at some of my favorite spots that the travelers love here in town.  There are a lot of backpackers and foreigners that come to this town, mostly Israelis’ come here for 6 months after serving in the army to unwind and get peaceful. They travel between here, Dharmasala (where the Dali Lama lives), Rajasthan, Varanasi, (where I am going next) and Goa, in the south of India.

I have met so many wonderful people, and have had to say goodbye to them after many days of great conversations, tea and food. Amos, Reut and Sagi lived across the way from me and I would sneak over for quick teas and good food that they would make me (humus, momus’, salads, chapattis, etc.)  I so miss their sweet, gentle company now.  They were my “therapy” and a place to get away when I have had too much at Ramana’s! We took a cooking class together to learn to make aryuvedic Indian food…yum!  I have exchanged emails with friends and plan to meet up when I leave from here on Dec. 8, in which I will begin my travels alone around India until Jan 11.  It will be nice to possibly see familiar faces along the way, but either way, traveling alone opens up more opportunity to meet people… I love that part of traveling alone, even if it is lonely at times.

The spots that are frequented here in Laxman Jhula are The German Bakery, where it sits high on the cliffs, overlooking the Ganga and village, while you can sip chai tea, eat chocolate croissants or cake, visit with other foreigners, watch the wild monkeys in the trees playing, do some “people-watching”  as they cross the bridge (jhula) to get to the other part of town.  I love this beautiful place and come there for my one hour break almost each day. I am a ‘regular ’ now and  am greeted with warm welcomes by the Indian help there. On the other side of the bridge is Ganga Beach café (great humus and Israeli food), Freedom Café and Little Buddha’s where everyone lounges on the ground with cushions and pillows and low tables, plays music, smokes, eats, drinks tea, and visits with each other.  This is the place “to meet someone” foreign (many beautiful people from France, Canada, India, England, Israel, and other places).  I go there often to visit when I can, to hear the music and order Mexican food and guacamole…yes, guacamole!  The owners are men for Nepal that also serve great Nepali food. I have to say, the women and men from Nepal are BEAUTIFUL! Most of our children are from Nepal, and with the blending of Indian and Asian……they are gorgeous! There is also  Madras Café in Ram Jhula (the other bridge) that has the best Indian food and it is where a lot of the yogis hang out (this place is full of yogis from America and other places who are here to get their training at the local ashrams… a yoga studio and ashram can be found in every other building here. Not that I have been able to have time to enjoy any of it! Bummer!). And the best place and my favorite café is Roma’s Italian café…it sits up on a roof top overlooking the city and Ganga, the best view and food in town at night. I love the owners, and they love me. I eat there once a week to get my fresh Italian food and bread (with real olive oil and basmati vinegar! Unheard of in India!), fresh pasta and pizza and visit with “the guys”.

I love the sweetness of many of the Indian men here. They love to talk about where we are from and discuss our 2 cultures and the differences. They are all married, so we talk about family, children, their wives, this town,etc.  I love it now because I am familiar to everyone when I walk down the street, so either I hear the food or shop keepers shouting “Hello Katy” when I walk by, or hear sweet children’s voices shouting my name, running up to me to hold my hand while we sing one of their favorite songs I taught them: “I am Happy, I am Good, I Am Happy, I Am Good, Satam Satam Satam Satam Gee, Wah Hey Guru, Wah Hey Guru Wah Hey Guru Gee.” These are the days I want to stay here forever and not leave this wonderful village place.  I will be leaving from here in a week and a half, and find myself silently crying about it often. I will be back. I can see myself living here part of the year and the other part back home. What a nice life of East and West!

So my departure time from this lovely place and from these dear children is about here! I am sad….I was scheduled to leave Ramana’s Dec 9, but have given my notice to leave next Friday, Dec 4.  I love these kids so much, but am just worn out. I have 10 pounds, am very weak and always on the verge of getting sick again.  This is a 24-7 job, mothering 60 adorable children and teenagers that love me back so much and want to be with me all the time! I am loving the teenage boys the most…..the boys of all ages, including the 15-18 yr olds, still have an innocence and love about them that have not been spoiled by TV, computer games or other aggressive, violent media we have in the States,…and it shows.  Or maybe it is the Hindi culture and religion that appears more accepting without judgments, shame or pressure (no ‘heaven and hell” philosophy). I do not know what it is, but you can feel peacefulness more from the boys and men here (and women, of course!). I love to sit across in Sat song, when the children chant and sing their prayers at night as a group in the Yoga Hall, and to hear these teenage boys sing solo or together in the most beautiful, sweet, devotional voices and then look over at me and smile pure love in their eyes……moments that melt my heart and I will not forget ever. They fill me up…as I said before, I ‘fall in love’ every day here in India- man, woman, or child! I do not want to leave these boys!

I plan to come back and have promised the children this. Many ask if they can come home with me (including one of my dear friends and a teacher here, Madam Anu)…..and I say YES, please come visit me anytime!  But I could not even begin to pick which one child I would take home…soooo hard!  I love each one so much. Good or bad, these children cannot be adopted out. This IS their family and they should not be separated from their  home, country and this rich culture. I know Praba would not allow it. She feels, as I know the Indian government does to that they should not removed from their country, people, Hindi and culture. I hear it is hard to adopt form here. I understand why….for all of  it’s poverty, this is such an incredible place. I would want to stay….These kids would be “shocked’   in our culture, especially for as old as they are. We do not have young ones here….5 yrs. being the youngest. I will ask Praba about other adoptions, but it is not easy. They are ‘taken care of’, at least in this town, by the ashrams and other family members……having a ‘mother or father” or lots of “things” is not important to these people and children…..all the family members, friends and community raise the children and it is a beautiful thing.

It been hard to tell these kids I was leaving next week. They are always so happy, but when I told many of them, you could see their faces go blank, and they got very quiet.  One girl said quickly, “No, please do not say it, I do not want to know…”. They boys are taking it the hardest. One said, “we will never forget you” and I said, “oh, you have so many volunteers that come through”…but he said, “no, there are some we never forget”.  It must be so hard for these children to have lost their families and then also have to say goodbye to the volunteers and caretakers that they have grown to love. Lost and change is forever a part of their life…maybe that is why they are so open and loving and accepting, they have learn to Let Go and just deal better change?!

We have all become accustomed to bedtime, when I go around to give meds and vitamins at 8:30pm and visit the 6 different rooms (2-3 children sleeping together in one bed that is a twin size! But is keeps them warm and snuggly on these cold nights.). We spend time talking about anything and everything while I stroke and massage their heads.  They ask me a lot of questions, especially about America, my kids and friends.  They ask almost every other night to see my pictures of my girls and for me to tell them and about their lives. The teenage boys are now all in love with my beautiful daughters and are asking if you will come over and visit?!! The teenage boys always come up with interesting or funny questions about science, astrology, etc or one night we talked about ghosts….Many of the children ask the one question that  baffles me to answer ,as they are baffled why… They ask if I live with my family…my mom, dad, sisters, brothers, my children, etc. and when I tell them, No, they ask flatly, “WHY?”. They are perplexed by this (in India, families all live together). Then I try as best as I can to explain that in our country most children leave the house by 18 to go be on their own….and eventually have their own family and house, etc.…and then they ask again, “WHY?”.  They think this is so strange. They ask who will take care of me when I am older?  Again, in India, it is the right and responsibility of the children to live with and care for their parents as they get older, just as the parents cared for them when they were younger. This is got me stumped…they are right in many ways…Why are we all living alone or so far away from our family, village and roots?

So lately the job of medicine has become an almost full time job. Praba for the most part, practices homeopathy/natural medicine, so that means administering the meds every 3 hours! At one point with the staff and kids, we had almost 20 fighting a very bad cold/flu.  I was so exhausted at this time working from 6:30am til 10pm non-stop,  plus somewhere in there teaching music for 3.5 hours or subbing when a teacher is out (which happens at least 3-4 times a week, Mon thru Sat 8-1pm).  When the weather changed quickly here in the Himalayas from hot to very cold in am and pm (with a wind that whips you to the bones), we were struggling with many viruses. Since the kids sleep together, their immunes systems are battered and hygiene is not great (often there is no running water, and no hot water…yes we take cold bucket baths every day in the freezing cold),  disease and bugs (lice, worms scabies…that I am STILL battling after 2 months…ugh!) spread quickly.

We have had three children out for 3 weeks and have been diagnosed from the hospital with one with Swine flu after tests were run and 2 with Typhoid Fever…yikes! And I administer to them…but I am doing fine so far and am only run-down with “normal illness” symptoms. I have to say, much of the $$ around here has been to take care of these severe illnesses, a worry for Praba.  It’s a never ending battle and STRESS for her to have enough money and to keep this place running well! Christmas will be “light” for the kids this year, so if anyone wants to give a gift of $$ for a present, that would be great . Again, even $20+ goes a long way here! I will be here until the 4^th if you want to donate from my website. I personally go and get what the kids need. So far from the money that I have received (THANK YOU!), I have bought more warm blankets for the kids, warm scarves and hats. Next I plan to buy sweaters, leggings and coats. With $20 I can buy 10 leggings! They need shoes (they wear flip flops, chappals, most of the time, but need covered shoes for winter). I hope to have some $$ for a special Xmas gift for each child (60 of them!).

I know I have so much more to share, but my brain is taxed with being so tired from caring for the kids, etc. Now I will go for a quiet walk around town, or to the river, or maybe the water falls. I could even get a massage for 450 Rupees ($10 only!!) I plan to meet Siddhi (my yoga teacher and friend from SB who leaves tomorrow) and dear sweet Rajender, the boy with polio who crawls or drags around because he has no use of legs. I love to see him and the light of love in his eyes. He truly is a saint and I feel so good when I leave his presence. Enjoy the pictures I am sending over- more of the kids and some the beautiful town here! I do not know how much I can email after the 8^th, when I begin my travels…we shall see. Thank you all for you support and words of love and encouragement. I have received your love your positive energy, and it has helped me keep going when I am so tired or lonely!

Namaste…..with Blessings and Love

Kathy

This may be another long one (sorry) but I hope you enjoy reading this one about the children and people I am meeting…..It is getting harder each day with all the duties I must do at the Home and School, and admittedly, as I immerse myself more in this culture, people and children, I feel farther away from ‘home’ and Western thoughts and lifestyle. It may feel hard at times to enter back into, even if it is by just email. I can only begin to imagine how hard it will be when I return…maybe?! Where do I begin, explain, or write about this place, India. Every day is an unexpected heartbreak, irritation, hardship, opening, deepening, joy, and full of love. The rawness, the chaos, the noise, the silence, the simplicity, the hardship, the burdens and happiness teach you lessons every day and bring you closer to God, and to your true self. It is beautiful, inside and out. I am ‘in love’ every day with the man, woman, and child I meet. Each has such a wonderful story to tell and hear about. Whether it be from the country they are from, why they are here and have left, why they have come back to India 5-6 times and are in love with this crazy place, or from a local Indian and their story….We get together and share stories of family, culture, friends, religion, non-religion, spirituality, politics, healthcare, love and loves lost…..all with open heartedness.

In the book, Shantaram, that I am reading, he mentions over and over again (thru all his harsh conditions) that this a country that mostly comes and rules from the HEART. I see it and feel it here, no matter how horrific some stories are. There is not much of the mental craziness and pettiness of some western minds, with our judgments, complaints, whining, ego, therapy and pyscho analysis, etc…..I sense the western ‘energy’ and people to be blocked by our chattering minds, phobias, fears and paranoids , by our seflishness and ego, by our capitalism, materialism and aggressive government, etc. that it feeds down into us in so many ways that we cannot see, feel or know until we leave and immerse ourself in a third world culture, or a rural simple village life, like I feel here….where their main concerns are: food, shelter, clean water, their family, their worship, being simply comfortable and happy. That’s about it!!….I will admit I am a foreigner ‘looking in”, and I am sure they have their complaints and pettiness, but so far from the many I have encountered and spent time with the locals here, there is so much simple, contentment and happiness with “what is” and not wanting more.

One of the many ‘loves’ I have met is Rajender, about 19 yrs. (he does not know how old he is or his birthday). He is sponsored by Siddhi, my Kundilini yoga teacher from SB who turned me on to this area and Ramana’s Garden. She is here for a yoga retreat for the month (she comes 2x’s a year) and Rajender she met many years ago begging on the streets. He was young and terribly crippled from the waist down from polio at the age of 2. He was orphaned by around 10 yrs. when both his parents died. Blessed Siddhi was walking across Ram Jhula (Bridge) one day and looked into his beautiful eyes and from there started a friendship with him and now funds him to have his own apartment, an arm-pedal bike to ride around in and to be able to go to school and learn English. And yes when I met him, I, too, looked into to his eyes and felt nothing but a feeling of pure love, acceptance, happiness and contentment. The face of God….coming from his young soul. When I first saw him, I tried not to react and be shocked as he dragged and crawled his way in the street to me and smile up at me. I relaxed, held his hands in my and smile back pure love back to him. I was ‘in love”. He is not only sooo beautiful to look at as a young Indian boy (like a movie star) but he is so beautiful to make eye contact with- innocence and sweetness. Siddhi and I took him shopping to get a coat and sweater (that is all he would let us buy) and then had dinner with us. Sitting across from us, he was so ‘normal’ sitting there eating and intellectually conversing, but then to see him get down off the chair and drag himself across the restaurant, down the steps and climb unto his bike is hard for me not to have pity, or for other ‘white people’ who were staring. But I do not need to pity…He is not suffering…I /you probably suffer more than he does….suffering does not from the outside or the physical-ness of him or anyone…Suffering only comes from within …or from a feeling of without…and there is alot more suffering in the US, than here, that I can say! Rajendar and I have exchanged #’s and I plan to visit him weekly and spend time with him. I love to hear more about him and his story that he shares with so little pity or sadness-just ‘as it is’….and always smiling :-}!!

So I am sure you want to hear more about the Home and school I am at that occupies most of my time. I LOVE it, but it is very exhausting, some days are very hard…..or loneliness creeps in. I am “Mother Katy” (they cannot pronounce “th’) to 60 children (not to mention the extra 100 from the school who just adore and love me because of music class, even the teenagers, if not MORE, who love what we are doing! They all want my attention first and have to hug me and say loudly, “Namaste Ms Katy” with pure love and joy coming from their eyes and heart. That is what IS so powerful and wonderful about this place…the people/children stare right ‘into you’ deeply and are not afraid to give long eye contact. It was so unnerving at first, especially from the men here, but now I am exchanging deep, loving, eye contact back. (It is not necessarily sexual from the men, just curiosity from everyone here…). Since I missed not being a ‘mother’ for my daughters anymore, I asked to be in a place where I could mother again…well I asked for it…….and got it 60-fold!!!! There are 4 volunteers here and I seem to have taken on the role of mother and ‘nurturer’ for the children, which comes naturally for me. Ayla (an American, now living in Thailand) is our ‘doctor’ and expert for homeopathy medicine; Carlee from Britain (now living in Naples, Italy) is young, loud, playful and the best English teacher, and then there is sweet Annie who is gentle and loves the children one-on-one the best since she is so quiet and shy (and speaks little English, she is from Montreal Canada). She assists me in music with our wild bunch of monkeys! They sit and listen well but the minute we get up to dance….havoc! They push and shove each other to get close to me first, and they just cannot help keeping their hands off of each other…it is their way. I have gotten use to it, but if it gets to rough I have to yell, “No beating”,…then they stop! And, yes, I have to talk soooo loud and yell for them to hear or get it, in a nice way though…again it is their way! But hey, I AM loud anyways! So I am I my element…they can appreciate me here! Here is how my day goes…..6am, the sun, always shining here rises, the rooster cows, the cows moo and are being moved from the barn to the open pen where you can hear the new baby calf (that I helped deliver) mooing and whining for his mother that he has now been separated from for the day so he does not drink up all ‘our’ milk! Then the 2 dogs start barking, Zeus (a mutt) and Shiva (a yellow pure lab), monkeys are screaching in the trees with the squirrels and birds chirping, Ganga River can be heard flowing, the wind is blowing hard and al the many trees are rustling (a nice cool wind that keeps us cool in the day and cold at night and early morn) and the horns of the taxis and driver begin beeping ludly in the distant village….and I wake up scratching….my head (lice), bum (worms and body (scabies)…ugh! But I am use to now…barely! Then at 6:30 am I hear the loud and rapid chatter of Hindi from the children going to yoga class, some singing Hindi songs along the way….at 7am I hear the bell ringing for their breakfast of porridge and fruit and fried chapattis. At 7:30 am, Carlee and I get the “ding dong” call of Arjun, 5 years old boy, who has only been here 3 months- Sooooo cute and dirty all the time. He eats with his hand (as most do, one for eating and one for wiping!!) but most of it ends up on his face and clothes (that he wears for 2 or 3 days). He speaks very little English. Every morn, along with 2 or 3 others , he comes to our room for ‘shower’ time and his “pink towel’ that he covets. He stands at our door saying “ding dong” (sometimes for 5 mintues before we can get up), getting louder and louder, but never knocking on the door. “DING DONG….!” We open and he stands there small, skinny and dirty (he msut play in mud all day!), saying with his impish-devilish smile: “My shower” and immediately bounces into our room and in our beds. We try to keep them out of our beds because we are trying to stop the lice, worms and scabies we gotten from them, but we have pretty much giving up on that!! We are trying our best to get rid of these irritating tiny creatures on our bodies ( and yes, pinworms coming out our bums) but really just learning to ‘deal with it’, like everything else, is about all we can do because it is nearly impossible being around these children who are full of them most of the time (they probably get from the Ganga River that they swim and wash in alot, not to mention they all sleep together 2-3 in a bed. Teenage boys sleep with the mates they have been with for the past 10-12 years…so sweet. They really love, respect had hug each other alot here. No ‘weird’ western thoughts around sleeping together, holding hands and hugging each other as boys/men). So we bathe the kids that need it (they really just want the nurturing attention). Bathtime includes a cold bucket of water (sometimes we can get hot, rarely) and we often do not have running water or electricity, so we make do with yesterday’s water that we always keep buckets around. I never feel clean because the water is very hard and so contaminated. I accidently got a bit on my toothbrush and brushed!….2 days of gurgley tummy and diarrhea…and these kids drink and swim in it!!! Off to school they go (school is here in the Home), often in pj’s because that IS what they want to wear (they are loud and strong willed) or may be the only thing clean for the time. Sometimes the only way we can remember their names is that they may wear the same shirt for 4-5 days (esp. the boys), and sleep in too, so that helps us remember. Once they change, we are confused again! I am down to only about 6 children I do not know names of…pretty good! They all have black hair, black eyes and brown skin…so you have to make note of fine details of their face, body and character. Names like: Raju, Ramita, Krishna, Basant, Jokjan, Neeraj, Koolkeet, Sujan, Kalpana, Mukul, Lelita, Durgi, Sanki, etc……pronounced just as you see them. While they are chanting prayers, blessing and doing the anthem in Hindi, lined up with their classes, we got off to café’ to have breakfast and meeting about our day. Every breakfast is fresh papaya, banana, apple, pomegranates from our organic garden, homemade cashew bread toasted with homemade peanut butter and chai tea. Delicious…but the same every day!!! At 8:30am we do room checks to see that all the teachers are there (which one may be missing and then we must fill in for 4 hours!!). We also do room checks to see who is not in school or sick. This week has been partially hard with at least 4-5 out sick (out of 60, I guess that is not bad). They ask for medicine but we try not to give, but vitamins only, and just let their bodies fight off on their own, unless it gets really bad. We have 2 this week so weak from fever, vomiting and diarrhea that Carlee took them to the hospital this am. They had to get out of bed, walk 15 min. to the autoshaw, and take a loud, long 30 min ride thru the village to the hospital….and do they complain? Rarely, now, or ever!!! I am amazed at these children for their endurance, strength, courage, lack of complaints and whining, who are just overall happy and good natured…it is getting catchy….I am embarrassed when I think of myself and others at home and what little we really have to ‘deal with’…… but still complain about! So this week has been alot of holding, touching, rubbing and just trying to comfort them while they are sick. This has become my job and they call for me to come be with them (sometimes late at night or 6am!). I may sing or talk to them as I rub them…there is not really much anything else I can do…and I feel helpless and so sad for them at times. One day Preema said to me with sad eyes…”I miss my mummy and daddy”. I tried not to choke up and cry for her…just hug her……I know how lonely and miserable I felt those horrific, 7 days of my severe illness (or ‘the purging’ I would call it!. Siddhi says I look the best she has ever seen me and I must have been cleansing myself of “the western mind-chatter, thoughts, judgments, ego, fears and ways that do not work or fit in here!!). I know how badly I wanted someone there to be with me when I was sick…so alone, and these kids deal everyday without a mother or father to hold and comfort them, esp. when they are sick. I have made this my ‘job’ while I am here. …to hug them everyday, rub them and greet them with the warmest smile. I also now enjoy ‘tucking’ them into bed with lullaby songs. Even the teenage boys ask for the song and smile sweetly when I sing the Russian Lullaby in English, “May there always be sunshine May there always be blue skies, May there always be______(child’s name), May there always be______” They just beam when I sing their name. Or I may sing “May The Long Time Sun” Kudilini Blessing song to them….this is my favorite part of the day when I hang out in their rooms (10-12 with 6 beds to share), share about my life and daughters (they cannot get enough of hearing about Karina, Cerise and Heather and ask to see their pictures every day;;”My, they are sooooo beautiful” they say every time… and they want to know if they have a boyfriend or are married! Remember, this is all they know..school, then marriage, which is usually arranged. Which I do not know what will happen to these girls because many have no family to arrange it. I have heard of some of these girls going home to Nepal at age 15 and they do not return because their relatives have married them off. Praba is so upset about this and is trying hard to stop this..and keep these girls educated more and more…). My other jobs include teaching music and movement to the K-3 graders four hours most days and 2 afternoons for just Ramana’s Garden 60 kids (including the teenagers who love it too!). We have tuition from 2-3:30pm every day where we help them with homework and English…..This the hardest part of the day for me…UGH! Lunch and dinner always consists of dal, white rice rice and an overcooked curry and spicy tasting vegetable. Good but I am tired of and so I go out to eat 2-3 times a week to get a break from this food (yummy Italian and some “Mexican”-sort of! But there is guacamole!!). Our only break often is from 4-6pm (if I am not teaching or taking them to Ganga for free play) before dinner and after 9pm, after Satsang (when all the 60 children gather in the yoga hall for Hindi chanting and prayers that they sing for 30-40 minutes…..so beautiful…like a Kirtan back home.) Volunteers then administer medicines and vitamins. The kids love to come and try to get ‘medicine’. I feel it is just to get attention and love at the end of the day. I try to mostly just hug, touch, rub and then go around and tuck each into bed, instead of giving medicine. This “idea’ that they need medicine, to me, is more their cry for some individual nurturing. So we are trying to find other ways to comfort them. So once gain I have had so much to say, and will end soon, But not before telling you a couple stories of the orphans that are here and their hardships…which honestly, you would not see or feel if you were around these children who are so full of energy, love , happiness and fun! But there is always the backdrop of their life and what brought them here as fighters. There is Pinky, my sweet love, my shadow, who has attached herself to me and if I could, this is the one I would bring home. She is 8 years old (although most are so small and thin, she seems 5 when I met here. I do not know if it is because of genes or diet for they smallness…). She comes from a very small, isolated village that when she was 4, both her parents did of some rare strange disease, that the villagers thought Pinky was ‘possessed’ (why I do not know) and took a bamboo stick to her right eye to rid her of the demon. Her eye is blurred and damaged and she is blind in that eye. She often complains of headaches because her eyes hurt. She had an older sister that came with her but was “so messed up”, that she is gone now…not sure where or why. Pinky is adorable, always in pink and smiles all the day long, rarely complains or cries, as none of them do. Then there is Lucky, given that name because of his circumstance and he did not speak when he came to the school. His family was of the lowest caste and his father was the ‘tarrer’ who tarred the highways for his job. Lucky and his family with 4 brothers and sisters lived along the roadside for their life while father worked. They slept beside the road at night. One night a large truck ran over the whole family, killing all of them except Lucky, and dragged them and their many parts for a long distance. The next day the police found them all dead except for a small 5 year old boy covered in blood, hugging what remained of his mother, and in shock. Because he was of the lowest caste and had no other family, they put him in a cell for 4 days before the orphanage came to pick him up, and to find him still covered in his families blood! Thus he is “Lucky” (do you think he is??!). He is now 11, talking, happy, a good student and loved by all. He too ‘clings’ to the volunteers alot. Sometimes when he is not smilling (which he does most of the time) I see him in quiet moments and can sense a sadness there. But he is loved by many and getting a good education with an opportunity he would not have had with his family and caste!! There is Soluni, who is sad and sick alot. She very new to the Home. She is about 8 years and her mother is dying of cancer in the hospital. I do not know where her mother is and Soluni does not get to see her. One night at Diwali, in the dark, a small one came up and put her arms around me…I hugged her tight and she wouldn’t let go of me for the rest of the night, holding on tight. That was Soluni. Since then she is so shy and has a hard time if I approach her. I wait for her now….when she is ready or needs it again! There is Jyoti, one of older girls of about 16, who first gave me hard looks, like many of the girls when I arrived. They meet so many volunteers that come, they love, and then leave. So I can feel them not trusting at first or wanting to like…..But when I showed my daughter pictures, she is the one that asks the most to hear about them and see their pics…and really wants my love and attention now. If I had a phone, she wanted to talk with them on the phone….The girls ask and hope if Karina and Cerise or Heather can come visit them…!!!??? She had a dress one day I liked and commented on. The next week she had cleaned it, and folded it neatly and gave to me! I said “Oh no, I cannot take it”..she said “Please take, I have so many clothes (I looked at her pile of maybe 5 dresses)…or please give to your daughters when you get home”! She was sooo happy and proud the next day when I wore her beautiful dress! She felt so special! Then there are the 3 gorgeous Nepalese brothers: There is Veer (17 yrs., the oldest, the leader and our yogi of the group), Basant (15 yrs his brother, gorgeous like a Nepalese movies star..who stole my expensive hiking shoes….he got caught and now is ‘paying for it”, no freetime, lots of chores, my assistant, etc…yet, him and I love each other soooo much, I hug him alot and he knows it is “ok’ now. They just cannot help themselves sometimes…he even said he did not know why he robbed from me because I am like ‘a sister or mother to him’) and then their last brother, Surindar (he loves to proclaim, “My name means to ‘Let Go’”), 13 yrs….oooooh so cute and one of my favorites. He is like a lovable lab (like from Marley)…big, beautiful. lanky, loud, HAPPY, non-stop active….and loves to song Hindi songs loudly and with his low voice, while always smiling. I say a lab, because he snuggles and wiggles up to me so close, that I think he wants to be in my lap, like a lab, but cannot fit there! My dog Zeuz was like that as a young lab dog…if I could, I would hold Surindar in my lap and craddle him…he is just too big! These brothers, like many of these children in this Home, are from Nepal who have lost most of their family and village to the Chinese and Maoist army invasions in Nepal and Tibet. We here about Tibet but Nepal, and it is happening as we speak. Many fathers, uncles and boys have been killed. These 3 brothers (who still have a sister in Nepal, but get very quiet and do not smile if I ask about….???), left Nepal 10 years ago, hiking for many weeks over mountains, etc. and somehow ended up at this Home. They are a complete joy to be around and have in our presence. So much to learn from them and all the children here about endurance, strength, love and acceptance….. I hope to get the rest of their story and others from Praba when she arrives back on Nov 11. I will end now with asking each and every one of you for again for contributions..PLEASE! Now that I am here, it is even more personal than ever. This is my family now, these are my children that I am in LOVE with more every day. They need $$ for good food, medicine, vitamins, clothing, good filtered water and education. Many of these children are teenagers and need to go on to High School and City University outside the school. If not, they have nothing and no family to live with or support them when they are too old by 18 or 19yrs! Praba is in a panic about it. She is in the States right now trying to raise $$, but finding it harder…. So I ask that each one of you donate again, anything- PLEASE! And maybe go to any individual or corporation that can help fund these wonderful children full of so much hope and possible opportunity. I know there are SO MANY children out there like this, but this is a group you can personally help me out with. THANK YOU!! Please go to my Kindermusik website at www.kindermusikwithkathy.com and click on the donate button…your $$ goes a llloooonnnnggg way here. Again, I hope you are enjoying “my book’ about the life and children of Ramana’s Garden and India….. I posted some photos of us on my facebook (from this email) of us washing on Sunday Ganga G day at the river…… Blessings…I am very happy and enjoying the change of heart, lack of mind-chatter and immersing myself in the chaos and love of this country (“Out of chaos comes organization!” we said one day as we watched the children….). My rhythm now matches theirs…slower, more loving and accepting of just “what is”. Love kathy

I have popped right up and am teaching everyday now…..very happy…I guess I need to work and be around children or I ‘dry up’!!  Did my last email get in the blog?  about the Indian Adventure?  My next email will talk more about the chidlren….I am just getting to know them now, and develop sweet adorable meaningful connections with them.  I go now at night as the Sleep Angel (I call myself) to tuck them in and sing lullabies (“May There Alawys be Sunshime….Blue Skies….and sing to each child  name “May there always be_____”)….even the 17 boys want me to sing to them….this has been the best part of my day and job…they soooooo love it