The culture and children I am loving..

Hello dear friends and family I am finding time once again to write and make contact.

This may be another long one (sorry) but I hope you enjoy reading this one about the children and people I am meeting…..It is getting harder each day with all the duties I must do at the Home and School, and admittedly, as I immerse myself more in this culture, people and children, I feel farther away from ‘home’ and Western thoughts and lifestyle. It may feel hard at times to enter back into, even if it is by just email. I can only begin to imagine how hard it will be when I return…maybe?! Where do I begin, explain, or write about this place, India. Every day is an unexpected heartbreak, irritation, hardship, opening, deepening, joy, and full of love. The rawness, the chaos, the noise, the silence, the simplicity, the hardship, the burdens and happiness teach you lessons every day and bring you closer to God, and to your true self. It is beautiful, inside and out. I am ‘in love’ every day with the man, woman, and child I meet. Each has such a wonderful story to tell and hear about. Whether it be from the country they are from, why they are here and have left, why they have come back to India 5-6 times and are in love with this crazy place, or from a local Indian and their story….We get together and share stories of family, culture, friends, religion, non-religion, spirituality, politics, healthcare, love and loves lost…..all with open heartedness.

In the book, Shantaram, that I am reading, he mentions over and over again (thru all his harsh conditions) that this a country that mostly comes and rules from the HEART. I see it and feel it here, no matter how horrific some stories are. There is not much of the mental craziness and pettiness of some western minds, with our judgments, complaints, whining, ego, therapy and pyscho analysis, etc…..I sense the western ‘energy’ and people to be blocked by our chattering minds, phobias, fears and paranoids , by our seflishness and ego, by our capitalism, materialism and aggressive government, etc. that it feeds down into us in so many ways that we cannot see, feel or know until we leave and immerse ourself in a third world culture, or a rural simple village life, like I feel here….where their main concerns are: food, shelter, clean water, their family, their worship, being simply comfortable and happy. That’s about it!!….I will admit I am a foreigner ‘looking in”, and I am sure they have their complaints and pettiness, but so far from the many I have encountered and spent time with the locals here, there is so much simple, contentment and happiness with “what is” and not wanting more.

One of the many ‘loves’ I have met is Rajender, about 19 yrs. (he does not know how old he is or his birthday). He is sponsored by Siddhi, my Kundilini yoga teacher from SB who turned me on to this area and Ramana’s Garden. She is here for a yoga retreat for the month (she comes 2x’s a year) and Rajender she met many years ago begging on the streets. He was young and terribly crippled from the waist down from polio at the age of 2. He was orphaned by around 10 yrs. when both his parents died. Blessed Siddhi was walking across Ram Jhula (Bridge) one day and looked into his beautiful eyes and from there started a friendship with him and now funds him to have his own apartment, an arm-pedal bike to ride around in and to be able to go to school and learn English. And yes when I met him, I, too, looked into to his eyes and felt nothing but a feeling of pure love, acceptance, happiness and contentment. The face of God….coming from his young soul. When I first saw him, I tried not to react and be shocked as he dragged and crawled his way in the street to me and smile up at me. I relaxed, held his hands in my and smile back pure love back to him. I was ‘in love”. He is not only sooo beautiful to look at as a young Indian boy (like a movie star) but he is so beautiful to make eye contact with- innocence and sweetness. Siddhi and I took him shopping to get a coat and sweater (that is all he would let us buy) and then had dinner with us. Sitting across from us, he was so ‘normal’ sitting there eating and intellectually conversing, but then to see him get down off the chair and drag himself across the restaurant, down the steps and climb unto his bike is hard for me not to have pity, or for other ‘white people’ who were staring. But I do not need to pity…He is not suffering…I /you probably suffer more than he does….suffering does not from the outside or the physical-ness of him or anyone…Suffering only comes from within …or from a feeling of without…and there is alot more suffering in the US, than here, that I can say! Rajendar and I have exchanged #’s and I plan to visit him weekly and spend time with him. I love to hear more about him and his story that he shares with so little pity or sadness-just ‘as it is’….and always smiling :-}!!

So I am sure you want to hear more about the Home and school I am at that occupies most of my time. I LOVE it, but it is very exhausting, some days are very hard…..or loneliness creeps in. I am “Mother Katy” (they cannot pronounce “th’) to 60 children (not to mention the extra 100 from the school who just adore and love me because of music class, even the teenagers, if not MORE, who love what we are doing! They all want my attention first and have to hug me and say loudly, “Namaste Ms Katy” with pure love and joy coming from their eyes and heart. That is what IS so powerful and wonderful about this place…the people/children stare right ‘into you’ deeply and are not afraid to give long eye contact. It was so unnerving at first, especially from the men here, but now I am exchanging deep, loving, eye contact back. (It is not necessarily sexual from the men, just curiosity from everyone here…). Since I missed not being a ‘mother’ for my daughters anymore, I asked to be in a place where I could mother again…well I asked for it…….and got it 60-fold!!!! There are 4 volunteers here and I seem to have taken on the role of mother and ‘nurturer’ for the children, which comes naturally for me. Ayla (an American, now living in Thailand) is our ‘doctor’ and expert for homeopathy medicine; Carlee from Britain (now living in Naples, Italy) is young, loud, playful and the best English teacher, and then there is sweet Annie who is gentle and loves the children one-on-one the best since she is so quiet and shy (and speaks little English, she is from Montreal Canada). She assists me in music with our wild bunch of monkeys! They sit and listen well but the minute we get up to dance….havoc! They push and shove each other to get close to me first, and they just cannot help keeping their hands off of each other…it is their way. I have gotten use to it, but if it gets to rough I have to yell, “No beating”,…then they stop! And, yes, I have to talk soooo loud and yell for them to hear or get it, in a nice way though…again it is their way! But hey, I AM loud anyways! So I am I my element…they can appreciate me here! Here is how my day goes…..6am, the sun, always shining here rises, the rooster cows, the cows moo and are being moved from the barn to the open pen where you can hear the new baby calf (that I helped deliver) mooing and whining for his mother that he has now been separated from for the day so he does not drink up all ‘our’ milk! Then the 2 dogs start barking, Zeus (a mutt) and Shiva (a yellow pure lab), monkeys are screaching in the trees with the squirrels and birds chirping, Ganga River can be heard flowing, the wind is blowing hard and al the many trees are rustling (a nice cool wind that keeps us cool in the day and cold at night and early morn) and the horns of the taxis and driver begin beeping ludly in the distant village….and I wake up scratching….my head (lice), bum (worms and body (scabies)…ugh! But I am use to now…barely! Then at 6:30 am I hear the loud and rapid chatter of Hindi from the children going to yoga class, some singing Hindi songs along the way….at 7am I hear the bell ringing for their breakfast of porridge and fruit and fried chapattis. At 7:30 am, Carlee and I get the “ding dong” call of Arjun, 5 years old boy, who has only been here 3 months- Sooooo cute and dirty all the time. He eats with his hand (as most do, one for eating and one for wiping!!) but most of it ends up on his face and clothes (that he wears for 2 or 3 days). He speaks very little English. Every morn, along with 2 or 3 others , he comes to our room for ‘shower’ time and his “pink towel’ that he covets. He stands at our door saying “ding dong” (sometimes for 5 mintues before we can get up), getting louder and louder, but never knocking on the door. “DING DONG….!” We open and he stands there small, skinny and dirty (he msut play in mud all day!), saying with his impish-devilish smile: “My shower” and immediately bounces into our room and in our beds. We try to keep them out of our beds because we are trying to stop the lice, worms and scabies we gotten from them, but we have pretty much giving up on that!! We are trying our best to get rid of these irritating tiny creatures on our bodies ( and yes, pinworms coming out our bums) but really just learning to ‘deal with it’, like everything else, is about all we can do because it is nearly impossible being around these children who are full of them most of the time (they probably get from the Ganga River that they swim and wash in alot, not to mention they all sleep together 2-3 in a bed. Teenage boys sleep with the mates they have been with for the past 10-12 years…so sweet. They really love, respect had hug each other alot here. No ‘weird’ western thoughts around sleeping together, holding hands and hugging each other as boys/men). So we bathe the kids that need it (they really just want the nurturing attention). Bathtime includes a cold bucket of water (sometimes we can get hot, rarely) and we often do not have running water or electricity, so we make do with yesterday’s water that we always keep buckets around. I never feel clean because the water is very hard and so contaminated. I accidently got a bit on my toothbrush and brushed!….2 days of gurgley tummy and diarrhea…and these kids drink and swim in it!!! Off to school they go (school is here in the Home), often in pj’s because that IS what they want to wear (they are loud and strong willed) or may be the only thing clean for the time. Sometimes the only way we can remember their names is that they may wear the same shirt for 4-5 days (esp. the boys), and sleep in too, so that helps us remember. Once they change, we are confused again! I am down to only about 6 children I do not know names of…pretty good! They all have black hair, black eyes and brown skin…so you have to make note of fine details of their face, body and character. Names like: Raju, Ramita, Krishna, Basant, Jokjan, Neeraj, Koolkeet, Sujan, Kalpana, Mukul, Lelita, Durgi, Sanki, etc……pronounced just as you see them. While they are chanting prayers, blessing and doing the anthem in Hindi, lined up with their classes, we got off to café’ to have breakfast and meeting about our day. Every breakfast is fresh papaya, banana, apple, pomegranates from our organic garden, homemade cashew bread toasted with homemade peanut butter and chai tea. Delicious…but the same every day!!! At 8:30am we do room checks to see that all the teachers are there (which one may be missing and then we must fill in for 4 hours!!). We also do room checks to see who is not in school or sick. This week has been partially hard with at least 4-5 out sick (out of 60, I guess that is not bad). They ask for medicine but we try not to give, but vitamins only, and just let their bodies fight off on their own, unless it gets really bad. We have 2 this week so weak from fever, vomiting and diarrhea that Carlee took them to the hospital this am. They had to get out of bed, walk 15 min. to the autoshaw, and take a loud, long 30 min ride thru the village to the hospital….and do they complain? Rarely, now, or ever!!! I am amazed at these children for their endurance, strength, courage, lack of complaints and whining, who are just overall happy and good natured…it is getting catchy….I am embarrassed when I think of myself and others at home and what little we really have to ‘deal with’…… but still complain about! So this week has been alot of holding, touching, rubbing and just trying to comfort them while they are sick. This has become my job and they call for me to come be with them (sometimes late at night or 6am!). I may sing or talk to them as I rub them…there is not really much anything else I can do…and I feel helpless and so sad for them at times. One day Preema said to me with sad eyes…”I miss my mummy and daddy”. I tried not to choke up and cry for her…just hug her……I know how lonely and miserable I felt those horrific, 7 days of my severe illness (or ‘the purging’ I would call it!. Siddhi says I look the best she has ever seen me and I must have been cleansing myself of “the western mind-chatter, thoughts, judgments, ego, fears and ways that do not work or fit in here!!). I know how badly I wanted someone there to be with me when I was sick…so alone, and these kids deal everyday without a mother or father to hold and comfort them, esp. when they are sick. I have made this my ‘job’ while I am here. …to hug them everyday, rub them and greet them with the warmest smile. I also now enjoy ‘tucking’ them into bed with lullaby songs. Even the teenage boys ask for the song and smile sweetly when I sing the Russian Lullaby in English, “May there always be sunshine May there always be blue skies, May there always be______(child’s name), May there always be______” They just beam when I sing their name. Or I may sing “May The Long Time Sun” Kudilini Blessing song to them….this is my favorite part of the day when I hang out in their rooms (10-12 with 6 beds to share), share about my life and daughters (they cannot get enough of hearing about Karina, Cerise and Heather and ask to see their pictures every day;;”My, they are sooooo beautiful” they say every time… and they want to know if they have a boyfriend or are married! Remember, this is all they know..school, then marriage, which is usually arranged. Which I do not know what will happen to these girls because many have no family to arrange it. I have heard of some of these girls going home to Nepal at age 15 and they do not return because their relatives have married them off. Praba is so upset about this and is trying hard to stop this..and keep these girls educated more and more…). My other jobs include teaching music and movement to the K-3 graders four hours most days and 2 afternoons for just Ramana’s Garden 60 kids (including the teenagers who love it too!). We have tuition from 2-3:30pm every day where we help them with homework and English…..This the hardest part of the day for me…UGH! Lunch and dinner always consists of dal, white rice rice and an overcooked curry and spicy tasting vegetable. Good but I am tired of and so I go out to eat 2-3 times a week to get a break from this food (yummy Italian and some “Mexican”-sort of! But there is guacamole!!). Our only break often is from 4-6pm (if I am not teaching or taking them to Ganga for free play) before dinner and after 9pm, after Satsang (when all the 60 children gather in the yoga hall for Hindi chanting and prayers that they sing for 30-40 minutes…..so beautiful…like a Kirtan back home.) Volunteers then administer medicines and vitamins. The kids love to come and try to get ‘medicine’. I feel it is just to get attention and love at the end of the day. I try to mostly just hug, touch, rub and then go around and tuck each into bed, instead of giving medicine. This “idea’ that they need medicine, to me, is more their cry for some individual nurturing. So we are trying to find other ways to comfort them. So once gain I have had so much to say, and will end soon, But not before telling you a couple stories of the orphans that are here and their hardships…which honestly, you would not see or feel if you were around these children who are so full of energy, love , happiness and fun! But there is always the backdrop of their life and what brought them here as fighters. There is Pinky, my sweet love, my shadow, who has attached herself to me and if I could, this is the one I would bring home. She is 8 years old (although most are so small and thin, she seems 5 when I met here. I do not know if it is because of genes or diet for they smallness…). She comes from a very small, isolated village that when she was 4, both her parents did of some rare strange disease, that the villagers thought Pinky was ‘possessed’ (why I do not know) and took a bamboo stick to her right eye to rid her of the demon. Her eye is blurred and damaged and she is blind in that eye. She often complains of headaches because her eyes hurt. She had an older sister that came with her but was “so messed up”, that she is gone now…not sure where or why. Pinky is adorable, always in pink and smiles all the day long, rarely complains or cries, as none of them do. Then there is Lucky, given that name because of his circumstance and he did not speak when he came to the school. His family was of the lowest caste and his father was the ‘tarrer’ who tarred the highways for his job. Lucky and his family with 4 brothers and sisters lived along the roadside for their life while father worked. They slept beside the road at night. One night a large truck ran over the whole family, killing all of them except Lucky, and dragged them and their many parts for a long distance. The next day the police found them all dead except for a small 5 year old boy covered in blood, hugging what remained of his mother, and in shock. Because he was of the lowest caste and had no other family, they put him in a cell for 4 days before the orphanage came to pick him up, and to find him still covered in his families blood! Thus he is “Lucky” (do you think he is??!). He is now 11, talking, happy, a good student and loved by all. He too ‘clings’ to the volunteers alot. Sometimes when he is not smilling (which he does most of the time) I see him in quiet moments and can sense a sadness there. But he is loved by many and getting a good education with an opportunity he would not have had with his family and caste!! There is Soluni, who is sad and sick alot. She very new to the Home. She is about 8 years and her mother is dying of cancer in the hospital. I do not know where her mother is and Soluni does not get to see her. One night at Diwali, in the dark, a small one came up and put her arms around me…I hugged her tight and she wouldn’t let go of me for the rest of the night, holding on tight. That was Soluni. Since then she is so shy and has a hard time if I approach her. I wait for her now….when she is ready or needs it again! There is Jyoti, one of older girls of about 16, who first gave me hard looks, like many of the girls when I arrived. They meet so many volunteers that come, they love, and then leave. So I can feel them not trusting at first or wanting to like…..But when I showed my daughter pictures, she is the one that asks the most to hear about them and see their pics…and really wants my love and attention now. If I had a phone, she wanted to talk with them on the phone….The girls ask and hope if Karina and Cerise or Heather can come visit them…!!!??? She had a dress one day I liked and commented on. The next week she had cleaned it, and folded it neatly and gave to me! I said “Oh no, I cannot take it”..she said “Please take, I have so many clothes (I looked at her pile of maybe 5 dresses)…or please give to your daughters when you get home”! She was sooo happy and proud the next day when I wore her beautiful dress! She felt so special! Then there are the 3 gorgeous Nepalese brothers: There is Veer (17 yrs., the oldest, the leader and our yogi of the group), Basant (15 yrs his brother, gorgeous like a Nepalese movies star..who stole my expensive hiking shoes….he got caught and now is ‘paying for it”, no freetime, lots of chores, my assistant, etc…yet, him and I love each other soooo much, I hug him alot and he knows it is “ok’ now. They just cannot help themselves sometimes…he even said he did not know why he robbed from me because I am like ‘a sister or mother to him’) and then their last brother, Surindar (he loves to proclaim, “My name means to ‘Let Go’”), 13 yrs….oooooh so cute and one of my favorites. He is like a lovable lab (like from Marley)…big, beautiful. lanky, loud, HAPPY, non-stop active….and loves to song Hindi songs loudly and with his low voice, while always smiling. I say a lab, because he snuggles and wiggles up to me so close, that I think he wants to be in my lap, like a lab, but cannot fit there! My dog Zeuz was like that as a young lab dog…if I could, I would hold Surindar in my lap and craddle him…he is just too big! These brothers, like many of these children in this Home, are from Nepal who have lost most of their family and village to the Chinese and Maoist army invasions in Nepal and Tibet. We here about Tibet but Nepal, and it is happening as we speak. Many fathers, uncles and boys have been killed. These 3 brothers (who still have a sister in Nepal, but get very quiet and do not smile if I ask about….???), left Nepal 10 years ago, hiking for many weeks over mountains, etc. and somehow ended up at this Home. They are a complete joy to be around and have in our presence. So much to learn from them and all the children here about endurance, strength, love and acceptance….. I hope to get the rest of their story and others from Praba when she arrives back on Nov 11. I will end now with asking each and every one of you for again for contributions..PLEASE! Now that I am here, it is even more personal than ever. This is my family now, these are my children that I am in LOVE with more every day. They need $$ for good food, medicine, vitamins, clothing, good filtered water and education. Many of these children are teenagers and need to go on to High School and City University outside the school. If not, they have nothing and no family to live with or support them when they are too old by 18 or 19yrs! Praba is in a panic about it. She is in the States right now trying to raise $$, but finding it harder…. So I ask that each one of you donate again, anything- PLEASE! And maybe go to any individual or corporation that can help fund these wonderful children full of so much hope and possible opportunity. I know there are SO MANY children out there like this, but this is a group you can personally help me out with. THANK YOU!! Please go to my Kindermusik website at www.kindermusikwithkathy.com and click on the donate button…your $$ goes a llloooonnnnggg way here. Again, I hope you are enjoying “my book’ about the life and children of Ramana’s Garden and India….. I posted some photos of us on my facebook (from this email) of us washing on Sunday Ganga G day at the river…… Blessings…I am very happy and enjoying the change of heart, lack of mind-chatter and immersing myself in the chaos and love of this country (“Out of chaos comes organization!” we said one day as we watched the children….). My rhythm now matches theirs…slower, more loving and accepting of just “what is”. Love kathy