Namaste from Laxman Jhoola, India

Hello dear ones

I am finally surfacing as ME…wow!  what a difficult journey this has been…shocking to the mind, body, spirit and all else!  After 6 days I feel good and present and  here…a couple of days ago I was not wanting to be here and wondering what the h— I got myself into.  It is hard work here!  Not anything I could even try to imagine or prepare for.

I arrived after 30 hours of traveling by airplanes…to be bombarded by Indian men- drivers of rickshaws, bikes, motorbikes and taxis in my face and touching me to go with them.  It took me about 15 minutes of strength and determination to ignore them, barrel thru the crowd and look for my name somewhere on a piece of paper from my hotel.  There were so many (and small).  I found guy and proceeded to walk for half hour outside in the HEAT to our taxi. Heat wave…and thick smog. Delhi is one of the dirties cities in the world and third largest. I was in a daze, and the only woman alone…I got intense stares….I am getting use to it, but at first it is uncomfortable of how they stare (and some will try to grope). At times, I  fel like a movie star, or alien, I do not know which. I was mauled one day at Gandi’s memorial in Delhi…100 school children saying “Hello, Hi, Good Day”…”Are you in movies?”….”Can I take your picture?”….wanting to shake my hand or touch me..  I laughed this time and went with it…lots of photos of me taken…I hugged them and smiled lots of love…such a sweet moment!

I have been lucky to meet a honest good friend, Shabir Shamek,  who runs and partners  a Travel agency, next to my hotel.  For 2 days I was catered to and given the royal tour with great guides who speak great English but drive like any CRAZY Indian driver…there is nothing like this. I have jumped out of planes, bungey jumped and rode rollercoasters, but nothing is as death-defying and terrorizing as being in a car with an Indian driver!  I swear they are all trying to win the India Grand Prix ..or something!  I cannot figure out why they are in such a hurry…to get …where? so fast…..here is how it goes:  First off there are NO RULES. You can go down any side of the street, even if it is a one way street…and they can go on either side of the one-way. So there may be 2 cars coming at you on either side, swerving as they approach.  The drivers GUN it to the next car, motorbike, bicycle, pedestrian (all over in the streets),  cow..they then slam on their brakes (2 inches from the object), Blare their horn long and hard- BBBEEEEEEEEEP!- and then swerve right or left (there is no determining which way, even if it is one a sidewalk)..honking the whole time they pass…then proceed to GUN it agian and brake, blare horn, and swerve…all the while trying to see from ALL directions others coming at you doing the same thing (and who maybe on a different rhythm!).

and I found out he makes apprx 3,000 Rupees a month, which is about $85 a month. He lives with his wife, one yr old, his brother and family and his parents all together…and he is considered “middle class” for this area.

Shabir is considered upper class, with a 3 bedroom flat he rents and makes enough $ to send home to take care of 18 people in his Muslim family and village in Kashmir, No. India. It is suppose to be one of the most beautiful areas. With snow skiing in Dec. I call him the “muslim terrorist from Kashmir” (which borders Afghanistan and Pakistan).  He calls me the “arrogant, white spy from America”…all to laugh about and break thru the stereotypes our world has placed on us…and see each other for our realness and human-ness.  I am so lucky and he will help me with many of my plans to travel and best palces to stay at a very low price. He has traveled all over India and the world and knows the ins and out of this place. What support I needed right now in such a strange, chaotic place right.

After 2 days of Delhi, which most hate this capital, but was great for me since I met some local “Delhi-ites”, I headed up to Rishikesh for another 7-hour terrorizing ride.  Shabir said NOT to go by car, that is was a long miserable drive, and train was only 4 hours, but I said I wanted to see the countryside and relax….HA!  This was the scariest day of my life…no joke!   Deepak was 22 yrs old and really wanted to win the India Grand Prix…practically running over cars, close along side at 60 miles, blaring his horn for 7 hours…I am not exagerating this time (I know I do sometimes!). It took 2 hours to get out of Delhi, and I was figuring I would rest in the back when we got into the rural part……no way, it got worse with this guy…and all the while LOUD Indian music rung in my ears.  He kept smiling that big white beautiful  Indian smile they give you, all the while saying…”No Danger, madame, no danger” I would ask him to slow and he would for about 10 minutes and then get back to “his way” of driving. I gave up and sat paralyzed and yet trying to be so calm in the bcak.  My legs and arms were so sore, that I could not walk at 1st when we stopped for lunch or when we arrived because I had been pushing on my imaginary brakes and the back seat for hours, trying to get him to stop or slow down…laughing all the while (in fear!).  I knew I was  in God’s hands….whether He wanted me to go now or not!  Breathe, Accept and Trust (and smile )…that was my hard lesson thru this day!  When I did look out, I saw so much happening along the Gangas River the whole time…villages, huts, women in bright beautiful saris, cleaning, men talking, smoking,…muslim villages with women all coverd in black and men in white caps, Hindi villages with some more ‘open’ style of dress.  What I saw in one day I feel I could have experienced in one year…so much!!

It was 6 pm when I arrived haggard, dazed, and dirty (the window open all day….dust and exhaust smoke). I could feel the dirt caked on my face when I smiled. The area I am in is one of the holiest cities in India.  It is soley vegetarian and no alcholhol can be found.  GREAT food…yummy and spicey.  I have not lost the weight that all said I would here!  Oh well…..in my saris, no one can tell!  I like this.

Wheh I got to Ramana’s Garden School (up some very narrrow windy roads along side the mountain) -it looks like Switerland- lush and green…but HOT!) I was greeted by 3 adorable children who asked if I was the new volunteer….other than that, no one was around!  I try not to have an ego, but I thought a warm welcomed would be there…not!  Praba the director was up in the mts at the other school, kitchen staff looked at me and did not say a word but that was it…finally 2 other volunteers showed up to help, but no one seemed to care or know what was going on…needless to say, that went on for another day…and I was trying to be good about it and just smile, all the while feeling a bit sad, heartbroken , home sick and wanting to go right back to Delhi.,…or home.  Didn’t they know who I am…(my ego asked!)?

I will write later  and more about the school. I cannot leave the Home. I am ‘on call” everyday for the next 2 months….I have to run into town (15 min) to make a phone call or email….so much for seeing this part or meeting new people…my ego kept saying….All is better now and I will write about…but lots of sadness, fear and anger to get over to finally be OK with where I am and  what I am doing here…but hey, that is WHY I came to India,..to remove myself from  ‘cush’ life back home and get “over myself” ..to be OK with being alone, and mean really ALONE. The practice is NON resistance…and just flowing with “what is” (the flowing Ganga River is here to remind me of this)….This is a hard one in this very strange, difficult, chaotic culture.

Here is a brief example of my day now: 6am wake up and while the 68 kids are doing yoga, I jog/hike down to the Ganga (10 mins) to meditate and say prayers while watching the flow of the river, staring at the majestic, jagged mts and feeling the strong wind whip around me (I love the wind here…it speaks to me all day and night and cools it down here).  At 7am, I run back to bathe any babes (5 yr. the youngest) for school.  ‘Bathe’ means getting a bucket of water to splash them off with soap, etc. No showers here and often no water running, so we always have buckets of water to use. No good toilets either (just holes full of ooze….!!!)…it is unbearablery BAD..ugh!  and no toilet paper…

After bathing the young ones, we do a yoga class for adults, then eat, discuss our plans for the day and go teach where needed. I will begin teaching music and movement for the 5-8 years for 4- 5 days for 3-4 hours every week, then lunch break at 1pm. Tudoring at 2 til 3….then rest or play more with the kids (fun stuff).  Dinner at 6…then we end every evening (and begin each day) with my favorite..blessings, chantings, prayers and singing of songs by the 68 children, ranging from 5- 18 yrs. , for a half an hour. It is like a Kirtan,….so beautiful, their sweet voices. They often ask me to sing and teach them a song.  They love my songs so far and they sing them when they see me…..Lights are  out by 8pm….then..nothing-ness…no TV,no computer, no Facebook, no texting, no phone, no friends, partner, companion… completley alone.  That has been hard.  But I read alot, great books by Amma and other gurus here….I am now adjusting to all this alone-time and doing better with MYSELF!!

Love to you all….I hope you do not mind the long email…fun to write about!

kathy

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